7 Secrets to Halt Negative Self-Talk in Its Tracks (score 75)
“You’re worthless. No one will ever love you. You’re dumb. You’re not worthy. You can’t do anything right. You’re ugly. You’re fat.” Have you been told these things before? Maybe by a partner… or a parent. It’s devastating when someone we look to for safety and love is verbally or emotionally abusive.
But what if the one saying those things is you? What happens when we talk to ourselves this way? The consequences are far more serious.
First, let’s get an understanding of what negative self-talk is. It’s anything you tell yourself that limits your ability to believe in yourself and what you’re capable of. It limits your ability to make positive changes and believe in your potential.¹
If your inner dialogue is stuck in negative self-talk mode, you may experience:
Depression
Stress
Decreased motivation
Perfectionism
Increased pain
So negative self-talk goes beyond harming your mental and emotional wellbeing. It can hurt you physically as well. That’s because the mind-body connection is very powerful. And our moods and thoughts have a profound impact on the way we experience pain.
Changing the way you talk to yourself will change your thoughts. Changing your thoughts will change your emotions. And changing your emotions can make you feel less pain. If you struggle with pelvic pain, taking control of negative self-talk can be an essential part of your healing journey.²
If you grapple with chronic pelvic pain, changing how you think and feel can seem like a big challenge. Thoughts are usually automatic. When you hurt, you feel stressed and sad. And you think negative thoughts. You talk to yourself about these experiences in a negative way. It’s only natural.
But you can learn to notice your thoughts, how they affect your mood, and your pain. Making efforts to change negative self-talk is the first step to feeling better. You’ll experience less intense pain and fewer flare-ups.
So how can you change negative self-talk?
Would you say it to a friend? The first step to changing something is realizing when it happens. So take notice when you say unkind things to yourself. Ask yourself, would I say this to my bestie or to a little kid? If not, then you shouldn’t say it to yourself either.
Is this real? It’s easy to think we know ourselves well. So when you tell yourself you’re not smart enough to go after that promotion or not skinny enough to fit into that dress… it feels like a statement of fact. But oftentimes it isn’t. It’s an expression of a feeling, which is biased and swayed by our mood.
Lower the volume. If your negative self-talk is a runaway freight train, it may be hard to stop it in its tracks. Flipping the switch to a ray of positivity and sunshine is a little extreme. But lowering the intensity of the conversation is definitely doable. Try switching out “I can’t stand this” to “Whew, this is a challenge”. Or “I hate this” to “hmm… not my favorite”. Changing negative self-talk words to simply neutral ones can be enough to turn things around.
Call out the critic. When we say things out loud that are untrue or wild exaggerations, we’re likely to get called out. There’s always someone to push back. But the conversations we have inside our heads are only heard by us. The problem with that is there’s no one to challenge our assertions. Try playing Devil’s advocate with yourself. When you catch yourself saying something negative, ask yourself if it’s really true.
Zoom out. If you’re ranting about something, your feelings are very intense right now. But will this still be a big deal in a month? A year? Five years? Taking a moment to mentally zoom out may change your perspective and allow you to approach the issue more calmly.
I can’t hear you. Negative self-talk can go on and on in our heads, sometimes for hours. The conversation just escalates as we get more amped up and agitated. All of our arguments seem perfectly logical and concise. But what happens if we say them out loud to a friend? Or even to ourselves. It usually quickly becomes apparent how ridiculous we sound. You may even get a good laugh out of it. If you say your thoughts out loud to a friend, they’ll be quick to offer support.
Switch it out. When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, change the conversation. Switch the negative thought for a positive one that you know is true. And repeat it to yourself over and over. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes. And eventually, you won’t need to do it anymore. Because positive self-talk will take over.
We’re all different. So what works for one person may not be as effective for someone else. Try a few of these and see which works for you.
Be patient with yourself. If you’ve used negative self-talk for many years, it’s challenging to change and adopt healthier ways of talking to yourself. But I know you can do it.
As a recovering perfectionist, I struggled with negative self-talk for many years. During that same period, I also fought my own battle with pelvic pain. So I understand how deeply intertwined our mental and physical health is.
But I’ve been able to win my fight with pelvic pain. And learning to talk kindly to myself was a huge part of the healing process. I’ve helped hundreds of my clients break the patterns of negative self-talk that got in the way of their healing. And I’d love to help you too.
No matter what environment you grew up in or what unfortunate experiences started your negative self-talk, you can learn to talk kindly to yourself. Together we can train your inner voice to be your best friend instead of your harshest critic. Because when you break the cycle of negative self-talk, true healing can begin. Check out my website to take the next step in your pain relief journey. I can’t wait to see a happier, healthier you.
¹ The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk
