Positive Affirmations Can Help Heal Sexual Anxiety
Self-help books have constantly talked about the importance of positive affirmations. If we're being honest, saying something out loud seems cliche, but it can work – if you know how to do it right!
It works so well that you can use it to get rid of any sexual anxiety you might be experiencing.
The primary cause of sexual anxiety is fear. Fear is a thing of the mind, so to remove it, you must change the way your mind relates to the negative thoughts triggering fear.
The same thing goes for body insecurity. You can only improve your body image by removing the harmful image of an ideal body you have in your head and loving yours the way it is.
If you're constantly thinking, “I won't perform well,” “I look horrible naked,” “my stomach is big,” “my penis is too small,” positive affirmations are remedies for all those negative thoughts.
Before we go deeply into positive affirmations, let's look at how negative thinking can affect your sex life.
What Negative Thinking Can Do To Your Sex Life
If you say to yourself, “I am so horrible in bed” you might notice that you actually “perform poorly”. Meaning, you will likely notice critical thoughts of yourself, feel too “in your head” to enjoy anything, or you might not naturally lubricate or lose your erection.
That's what negative thinking does. When you constantly say negative things, they slowly crawl into your real life and ruin your sexual experience.
Negative thinking can make you self-conscious and insecure. You always try to turn off the light or cover up your body while having sex. When you're ashamed of your body, you might totally avoid sex or experience less satisfaction when engaging in sexual activities.
Sex is an intimate connection of bodies and senses between two people. And then there is a third wheel —negative thoughts— always looking for attention by making you criticize your body, your performance, and your partner's opinion of you. When we listen to this third wheel, we lose the connection.
Science even backs up the effect of negative thinking. When you worry about your performance, pleasing your partner, fast or no ejaculation, or how you look, you mentally stress yourself. Whenever you're stressed, the production of a hormone called cortisol increases in your body. This can reduce your sexual urge by repressing your sex hormones.
Negative thoughts cause anxiety. You might find yourself staying away from your partner because you feel uncomfortable. Worst still, when your mood changes, your partner might begin to think they are at fault when it is just the third wheel at work.
It can be challenging to get rid of your fear or your poor body image because the triggers might have started when you were younger. But you can only truly have satisfying sex by fighting those things igniting your anxiety.
To totally free yourself from this third wheel, you have to confront it, and the best way to do this is to change your negative thoughts by affirming positive things.
What Are Positive Affirmations?
Positive affirmations are phrases repeatedly said (aloud or to yourself) to chase away negative and unhelpful thoughts and bring positive energy into our lives.
Let's look at it from sexual perspective. Positive affirmations are words you continually say to get rid of sexual anxiety and improve your sex life.
Can positive affirmations have a favorable effect on your sexual anxiety? Yes!
Imagine your mind is a light switch. When you have negative thoughts, you turn off the light. The only way to turn on this light is to change your thoughts by saying positive affirmations.
Positive affirmations change your thought pattern from negative to positive. When you consistently affirm positive things, you will start believing them, and positive thoughts will start coming to you naturally. Positive affirmations act as a purifier. They cleanse your mind.
Here’s a BONUS that not a lot of people talk about. There’s more to positive affirmations than simply saying these things to yourself. You have to learn how to actually construct them so that you believe them. I teach my clients to feel the effect of positive affirmations in the body. This is the only way positive affirmations will really work.
Keep reading to learn how you can do this too!
Why Should You Use Positive Affirmations To Control Your Sexual Anxiety
Positive affirmations can:
Equip you with the strength to fight your negative thinking.
Help you focus on what is important: having enjoyable and satisfying sex.
Help you unlock a new positive attitude towards sex.
Boost your self-worth and influence your opinion about yourself and your body positively.
Improve your overall sex life by getting rid of your anxiety.
Keep you staying focused on the present moment.
How To Use Positive Affirmations To Heal Your Sexual Anxiety
Write down those negative thoughts.
Whether the thoughts are about your body, your partner, or how you feel about sex, write them down. To be more effective, write it as if it is the third wheel speaking. So write, “you're gross,” not “I'm gross.”
2. Find out the causes of these thoughts.
Why do you consider your body gross? Why do you firmly believe you will ejaculate sooner than you want? Why do you think sex is not meant to be enjoyed? When you write down the thoughts you constantly have, you will be able to trace their origin.
Perhaps you read in a magazine about the ideal body type, and you are nothing like that, so you consider your body gross. Maybe when you were younger, you heard that if you ejaculate quickly once, it will happen again and again. And since you have had a fast ejaculation previously, you automatically believe it will happen every time you have sex.
Finding out where these negative thoughts come from can help you fix them.
Sometimes these Core Sex Beliefs are deeper and need more in-depth help from a Specialist like me, if you want to dig deeper and root out sexual anxiety for good, book a call with me by clicking here.
3. Write a response to every thought you have written.
Write a realistic and positive response to every negative thought you wrote down. Be kind to yourself. Do not write these responses in second person. Write them in first person. So if you’re re-framing “you’re gross”, then you would write: “I love my body exactly as I am,” not “you're not gross.”
4. Notice how you feel in your body.
Now that you’re constructing new affirming thoughts, notice the sensations in your body as you say them. Where can you sense your body feeling better when you say these things. I help clients workshop these experiences and sometimes it takes us several sessions, so don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen right away for you.
And if you want to speed up this process, book a call by clicking here and I can certainly help you with that!
5. Talk to your partner.
What's better than one head? Two heads. If you trust your partner, discuss the negative thoughts you're having with them. They might open up about theirs because of how vulnerable you are about yours.
6. Say your affirmations at least twice daily.
You can decide to say them once in the morning and once at night, whatever works best for you. Spend at least five minutes daily repeating every affirmation until you start believing them. And don’t forget to notice what happens in your body as you say them to yourself.
7. Be patient
Switching from negative to positive thinking doesn't just happen in a heartbeat. You might not notice the changes immediately, but with consistency, the difference is inevitable.
You can write your affirmations based on what bothers you the most. Some examples are “my past experiences can't stop me from having great sex” or “I am confident in my skin.”
One last thing. Always remember that affirmations are only one step to change. They are not the change in themselves. Positive affirmation is a transformation tool. Use it to your advantage.
If you need someone to talk to about your sexual anxiety or you have other questions regarding your sexual health, please reach out to me by clicking here. I can help you construct highly effective positive affirmations that will reduce anxiety and increase pleasure!
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