Important Things to Keep In Mind When Choosing a Sex Therapist
Your friend is so excited about her new relationship. She’s always telling you how great things are – the best sex of her life. This could be the one. You want to be happy for her, and you’re trying so hard to be supportive. But ugh, so many details!
You’re happy in your own relationship. You get along, and you’re perfect for each other in so many ways. But – your sex life isn’t like your friend’s. And hearing how great things are for her is a constant reminder that your sex life feels less-than-perfect.
You’ve tried talking to your partner. But those conversations are so hard. Where do you even start? How do you explain you’re unsatisfied without hurting their feelings? If you struggle with pelvic pain or lack of arousal, how do you talk about it without rejecting them?
Maybe it’s time to see a Sex Therapist. They’re uniquely qualified and licensed to help you navigate these delicate and complicated issues. But there are a few things to keep in mind before choosing a Sex Therapist that’s right for you.
What does a Sex Therapist do?
Before deciding if this is a good direction to go in, you’re probably wondering what a Sex Therapist does? A Sex Therapist is, first and foremost, a good listener who knows a lot about sexual health and wellness. They’ll help to pinpoint the issues you’re having and help you overcome them – without judgment.
A qualified Sex Therapist is a licensed mental health professional who is educated and trained specifically in topics around sexual health and will help determine if the issues you’re experiencing are psychological, physical, or a combination of both.
If you’re having challenges due to a medical condition, you’re probably already working with other health care professionals to resolve it. Your Sex Therapist is happy to collaborate with the other specialists on your team. They’ll work to create an effective treatment plan for you.
Many people wonder if a Sex Therapist has sex with you. For licensed therapists, the answer is a strong no. There is a specific type of sexual wellness provider that works as a sex surrogate. Sometimes they call themselves “sex therapists”, but this could be inaccurate – so make sure to ask for their licensing credentials! Sex Surrogacy might not be legal in some states, and they do have restrictions. For instance in California, they need to work alongside a Sex Therapist in providing treatment for a client.
The majority of Sex Therapists listen to their client’s issues and help them better understand their experiences. Your therapist may give you homework or exercises to do alone or with your partner. There are great opportunities to gain more insight into your needs and communicate them effectively.
If you’re in a relationship, your Sex Therapist may recommend having some sessions alone, a few with your partner, and then some together. This gives everyone a chance to express themselves freely, which will help you resolve issues more quickly.
Issues a Sex Therapist can help with
If you’re having issues with sex, you’re definitely not alone. It’s easy to think you’re the only one that struggles because there is so much pressure to make it seem like everything is perfect.
But according to the New England Journal of Medicine, sexual issues happen in up to 52% of men and 63% of women.¹
So what are some common issues a Sex Therapist can help with?
Painful sex
Difficulty reaching orgasm
Low / no arousal
Compulsive sexual behaviors (porn, masturbation, etc.)
Difficulty communicating needs
Fear related to past experiences
Sexual aversion or anxiety
Even if your doctor has told you there’s no medical problem causing your issues, sometimes these issues are overlooked, dismissed, or misdiagnosed – not all doctors are given proper edcaiton on sexual healt, some evn only get 10 hours in medical school! A Sex Therapist can help you find the relief you deserve.²
Because each of us is unique, and human sexuality is very complex. A trained Sex Therapist understands the mind-body connection and it’s vital role in achieving satisfying intimacy.
If you’ve struggled for many years or even if you’ve never enjoyed a satisfying physical connection with your partner – there is hope. And a Sex Therapist can show you how to enjoy better intimacy.
Proven Sex Therapy techniques
A very effective Sex Therapy technique is talk therapy. After all, intimacy and physical satisfaction with a partner is all about reducing shame in discussing these concerns and improving communication, building sexual skills and problem-solving.
Many couples enjoy their sex life more as they come to understand their own needs and how to communicate them to their partner. So your Sex Therapist will use tools like an Arousal Architecture Assessment. Resources like this give you the language to have those otherwise tough conversations.
Another Sex Therapy technique is somatic therapy, which focuses on the mind-body connection. So while there’s no touching involved, you’ll learn to notice sensations in your body as you talk about certain topics.
This form of therapy is helpful because many people experiencing sexual issues have become “disconnected” from their sexuality and sexual self. Becoming more aware of what’s going on in your body helps you re-establish that connection.
This process also helps calm your nervous system so that you can more fully access your sexual arousal system.
Imagine what your relationship will be like when you fully understand your own needs and how to communicate them to your partner. Your connection would be even better than it is now. And you’d have some fantastic stories to tell your friend!
Why it’s important to work with a specialized Sex Therapist
Your sexuality is an integral part of your overall well-being. So you deserve to work with someone that has the education, training, and experience to help you overcome the obstacles you’re working through.
There are strict requirements to be a certified Sex Therapist. According to The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), a certified Sex Therapist must have completed:
An advanced clinical degree
Psychotherapy training from an accredited university
A master’s degree with at least 2 years of clinical experience
Or
A doctoral degree with at least 1 year of clinical experience
A valid in-state license to practice
A minimum of 90 hours of academic coursework on sexual education
A minimum of 60 hours of Sex Therapy training
A minimum of 14 hours of structured group experience
300 hours of supervised clinical treatment of patients
If your Sex Therapist meets these qualifications, you can be confident your sexual health and wellness are in good hands.³
Other Sex Therapists might not have gone through the process of becoming AASECT certified, but they are just as qualified! There are many certification boards that provide confident certificates to therapists. If you’re unsure about your Sex Therapists credentials and training, make sure to ask what qualifies them to provide sex therapy!
No matter what issues you’ve been experiencing, they can get better with the right help. To start your path to more satisfying and pleasurable sex, check out my website: Sex Answered. I look forward to helping you get the most out of your intimate moments.
¹ Frequency of Sexual Dysfunction in “Normal” Couples | NEJM
