Perfectionism and Pelvic Pain – Why You Should Avoid the Trap of Perfectionism

Are you a perfectionist? That drive makes you excel at everything you do. You probably got good grades in school. And your boss knows they can count on you to tackle any task and do it well. Your coworkers may be a little envious of the praise you receive but not jealous enough to stay late, take work home, or volunteer to cover weekends.

Your friends and family love that you always make time for them and rarely say no when asked to help. You’re the one they can call last minute or in case of emergency because you never let them down.

As a society, we put perfectionists on a pedestal because their achievements are so impressive. But perfectionism can actually be very harmful, especially for people who struggle with pelvic pain.¹ 

I know because I’m a recovering perfectionist and pelvic pain warrior.

Let’s go over some of the lessons I’ve learned and how they can help you overcome perfectionism and relieve your pelvic pain.

Perfectionism and anxiety make your pain worse

Perfectionists aren’t simply people that try hard or want things “done right.” They often set extremely high standards for their performance in all aspects of their lives. They are overly critical of themselves and constantly worry about criticism from others.³

If everything you do at work or as a parent has to be absolutely perfect, the issue goes far beyond wanting to “do a good job” or “be a good mom.” 

Perfectionism and anxiety often form a crippling pattern of negative thoughts.

But we usually think about perfectionism and anxiety as mental, not physical. After all, these things happen in our brains, not our bodies. It’s about our thoughts and feelings, right?

That’s true, but perfectionism and anxiety also cause tension in the body. Many people experience stiff muscles, headaches, or stomach issues. Physical symptoms can range in severity from a minor inconvenience to an overwhelming obstacle.

These thoughts create anxiety that activates and amplifies your fight or flight system.

While this system is helpful in emergencies or danger, it’s frustrating and exhausting when it’s constantly activated in your everyday life. Your nervous system becomes dysregulated, which makes your pelvic pain worse. 

So how do perfectionism and anxiety increase your pain? 

Your body’s response to perfectionism is similar to its reaction to trauma. So whether you’re being chased by zombies or turning in a work assignment that’s less than perfect, your fight or flight response gets activated.

You know what that feels like. But what’s actually going on in your body?

Your fight or flight response basically “turns off” non-essential parts of your body. Your brain’s only focus is getting you away from the perceived threat. One of the effects is a decrease in blood flow to all parts of the body, including your pelvic area. 

This response causes inflammation in the nerve endings in the vulva, which makes your vaginal muscles tenser. And muscle tension increases your pain.²

What can a qualified therapist do to help?

How perfectionist thinking affects your treatment

Perfectionist thinking can make your pelvic pain treatment less effective. Do you have trouble following your doctor’s recommendations? If so, you’re not alone.

Maybe your doctor recommends a treatment or therapy you don’t think will work or don’t want to try. Have you heard yourself say things like:

• I’m not doing dilators

• I’m not taking that prescription

• That therapy won’t work for me

• This assignment is a waste of time

• I’m too busy to do the exercises

I definitely understand because I said a lot of those things too. Perfectionist thinking tells us we’re just trying to be successful. But fear of failure is usually what drives our behavior. 

Perfectionist thinking affects pelvic pain treatment because it makes you:

• Procrastinate – leaving journaling or exercises for later

• Avoid challenges – using dilators are hard so you don’t try

• Think everything is all or nothing – you don’t see small progress as success

That’s why it’s so important to work with a pelvic pain specialist that understands perfectionist thinking and how it affects your treatment.

It is possible to overcome perfectionist thinking and pelvic pain with the right strategy. What can that look like for you?

How to overcome perfectionism 

When we constantly try to be perfect at everything we do, it creates tension in our bodies which some people experience as physical pain.

Because up until now, your body has responded to being “imperfect” the same way it would to a charging rhino – the adrenaline response, heart racing, breaking out in sweats, freezing in place, or reacting without thinking. 

This system helps us avoid danger or make it through a traumatic event, which is a good thing. But perfectionists experience these feelings at school, work, home, with friends, and even when they’re alone. 

The good news is that it’s possible to overcome perfectionism when you understand how it affects your mind and body. Your body responds to perfectionism the same way it responds to trauma. So it makes sense that a trauma-informed therapist has strategies to help you overcome the burden of perfectionism.

I like using somatic psychotherapy to start changing the way your body responds to your accomplishments. Because you can’t just “think” your way out of perfectionism. It’s not enough to simply tell yourself: “I should just be ok with satisfactory work, but I want it to be better.” Which is why Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) only falls short for treating Perfectionism and Pelvic Pain.

Your body has to learn that it’s safe not to be perfect. And you can absolutely do that with a knowledgeable professional.

I’ve had over 14 years of training and experience helping people just like you find the relief they deserve. Because overcoming perfectionism does far more than relieve pelvic pain.

Think how much easier your job will be when you’re not so hard on yourself. What will it feel like to enjoy time with your kids without worrying if you’re a good mom?

I’ve learned so much from my own battle with perfectionism. And I can help you too. Let’s get started today! 

¹ Is perfectionism good, bad, or both? Examining models of the perfectionism construct - ScienceDirect

² Perfectionism in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder patients - ScienceDirect

³ Multidimensional Sexual Perfectionism and Female Sexual Function: A Longitudinal Investigation